The moment the word submission enters a conversation about marriage, the room often either goes quiet or erupts. Few concepts have been more weaponised — or more misunderstood — in discussions about marriage and family life.
In this illuminating discussion, Amos Kevin-Annan brings the wisdom of over two decades of marriage counselling and ministry to one of the most important — and most loaded — topics in relationships: headship and submission.
What Headship Is Not
- Headship is not dictatorship. A husband who uses his position to dominate, control, or silence his wife has misunderstood the role entirely.
- Headship is not superiority. The idea that a husband is more valuable, more intelligent, or more spiritually significant than his wife is not found in a correct reading of the texts that describe this role.
- Headship is not unilateral decision-making. A wise head listens deeply, consults humbly, and decides collaboratively wherever possible.
What Headship Actually Looks Like
The model Amos consistently points couples to is one of servant leadership — a concept that is paradoxical in the best possible way. The head of the home is the one who serves the most sacrificially, who carries the heaviest weight of responsibility, and who prioritises the flourishing of his wife and family above his own comfort.
- Emotional leadership. The husband sets the tone for the emotional culture of the home. A home where he is angry, withdrawn, or dismissive will reflect that. A home where he is warm, engaged, and emotionally available will thrive.
- Spiritual stewardship. Taking responsibility for the spiritual direction and health of the family — not as a gatekeeper, but as a shepherd who walks ahead into territory he has first walked through himself.
- Sacrificial provision. Not just financial provision — though that matters — but the provision of time, attention, protection, and presence.
A Word About Submission
Submission, Amos teaches, is not weakness — it is wisdom. It is the choice of a strong person to operate within a structure that, when functioning correctly, protects and elevates everyone in it.
Importantly, the call to submission is always in the context of a husband who is loving sacrificially. Submission is not a blank cheque for a husband to do whatever he wishes — it is a mutual covenant in which both partners lay down their self-interest for the good of the marriage and family.
For Couples: A Practical Starting Point
- What does leading this family well look like to you? (to the husband)
- What does being supported and honoured look like to you? (to the wife)
These questions open the door to the kind of dialogue that transforms abstract theology into lived, loving partnership. Watch the full discussion above — it is one of the most nuanced and practically helpful conversations on this topic you will find.
Hearts and Habits Foundation runs Creative Couples Conclaves for married and engaged couples. Visit our Programs page or contact us to get involved.